I hope you enjoy this excerpt from Chapter 2 of my Novel "A Psychic Affair" and it will entice you to want to read more.
Astrid xoxo
Astrid xoxo
Chapter Two “The beginning”
I
WISH
I
wish I could remember that first word
That
first chat we had
So
out of the blue you came
So
very unexpected, I was busy
I
was so rude and you were so sweet
I
wish I could remember that day
February
the 13th I think
I
said what, who and why
I
think I made you laugh
I
was so off hand but you were so sweet
I
wish I could remember that moment
When
I fell in love with you
It
hit me like a bolt out of the blue
You
made me smile and you did too
I
challenged you I guess you were so sweet
I
wish I could remember those moments
All
of them I cherish so deep in my heart
You
made me feel so warm and fuzzy
I
laughed at that phrase remember
A
rose for every day you said you were so sweet
Well,
I do remember that first chat and the date but I wish I could remember word for
word.
As
the days passed, John messaged me every day always ending the conversations
with his signature rose. He used to say a rose for every day and I really did
say ‘you were so sweet.’ I had never met anyone as sweet as John and as the
poem explains, he did impart a feeling of warmth and fuzziness on me. We used
to laugh about how we could not spell; spelling just went out off the window
when we chatted, we used to laugh so much about that. We sent e-greetings to
one another and he had hooked and reeled me in. Two weeks into the relationship
John told me he was falling for me and I knew I was falling for him. He had
told me a lot about himself about how he was divorced and his ex-wife had an
affair, when they had been trying for a baby. They had previously lost a child
some two years ago when his wife Janet suffered a miscarriage. He was
devastated when he discovered the affair. They had persevered and tried to work
at their relationship for six months, but in the end, he knew he could just not
forgive her and he asked her to leave.
John
did not share the same beliefs as I did. I did myself try to explain my beliefs
to him in the hope it might comfort him. He knew I was a medium and I told him,
the baby was a little boy and he was around him often. It upset him to talk
about this as he had longed for children and just could not forgive Janet for
the affair especially as they had been trying for a baby. I had told him simply
about his child in spirit to give him hope that there is so much more to life
than on earth.
*
* * * * * *
What
if you believed that this life was all that there is. That there was no
afterlife, no heaven and no hell. How would you view life? Would you live for
the moment doing whatever you wanted? Knowing that it didn't matter who you
hurt and how you treated others or would you be sad knowing this was all that
there was. If this is all there is, how would you feel knowing all your hopes,
dreams and aspirations die with you? Knowing that you will never again see
those you love when either they or you die. Wouldn't you feel sad? Wouldn't you
question the whole meaning of life? There are some people who believe in just
this but the vast majority of us do believe in something, the desire to worship
and believe in something is inherent within all of us. Be it a Higher Power or
God, there is a tiny spark within all of us to believe what is right and wrong
and to know there is something bigger than us. It's been there from the
beginning of time. OK there are some people who's tiny spark may not be very
bright but I firmly believe it is still there and it’s just a question of
finding the right catalyst to trigger it off to burn a bit brighter.
If
you believe there is a greater power and after we die we go on to live eternally
how do you view your life? I feel this makes us more hopeful and it gives life
more meaning and its more comforting to think our loved ones will live on. It
makes our life feel more like a preparation for the next and it makes us more
aware of how we should live our life and you can view life as a learning
process. Supposing you are given definite proof we don't die at all and you are
given evidence that your loved ones live on? Supposing you are given evidence
by those who have died messages beyond the grave, only something you could
possibly know or better still where a third party has to verify this evidence?
Would this comfort you to know, this life is not the end and know that you will
meet your loved ones again? Would this change your outlook on life, would you
live it differently with new meaning?
I
firmly believe when you are given this hard evidence from spirit, you do see
the bigger picture, it enables you to understand why we are here on Earth and
it is comforting and it takes away the fear of death. For its fear of the
unknown that causes the distress. It helps us view what is important in life
and makes us realize material objects are just objects and do not matter in the
scheme of things. Importantly it also fans that spark of righteousness that’s
within all of us to live our lives better and to treat others better. It brings
us contentment.
*
* * * * * *
I
was trying to help John, maybe it was too soon into the relationship to tell
him about all this, but I firmly believe, we are all drawn together for a
common purpose to learn from and teach one another about the true meaning of
why we are here. I just wanted to make him feel better and to tell him he did
have a child a little boy in spirit.
Three
weeks into our meeting, John started to have cold feet and told me during our
chat it would be best if we ended our online relationship. He said he did not
want to hurt me and it would be best if we saw other people. He told me he
could not bear to feel like he had before. He told me he was falling for me and
he could not bear the pain if we let this go on to be hurt again. I remember
his exact words, “Like a hole in the head” I was distraught. I did not know
what to say or do but cry I knew then I had fallen deeply in love with him.
This was not my intention, I wasn't looking to fall in love, I wasn't even
looking for a relationship, I had a trust issue too, there was just something
there I could not explain nor was this infatuation, these feelings ran deep and
I was drowning in them.
I
phoned Annie late on a Sunday evening around three weeks after my relationship
with John had begun. I was working the next day and had a series of important
classes to do and I was so upset. I wondered how I would cope. Annie reassured
me I would be fine, Annie’s psychic ability had come on leaps and bounds under
my tutelage. She in particular liked dowsing, which taps into our ability to
use our natural sensitivity our intuition, which we all possess, Annie’s
favorite way of dowsing was using a Pendulum. This is a simple weight on the
end of a piece of cord or light chain, a key on the end of a bit of cord to a
ring or a crystal. The pendulum is the most versatile tool for use in straight
question and answer type of dowsing.
“Maryann
he will contact you again, I just know so,” Annie stated, “And I have used my
pendulum several times to confirm this, each time it's given me a yes answer,”
Annie went on. “What is it you've taught me Maryann? To always trust what we
are given.”
“Yes,
you are correct Annie, if you clearly feel he is coming back then I should not
doubt, it's just so hard Annie,” I said.
“I
know Maryann but trust me, you've taught me to trust Spirit and he is coming
back, just be patient and please don't worry,” Annie reassured.
Annie
as you’ve guessed was always loosing things and she swore dowsing worked
extremely well for her. Now in teaching Body Therapy and Massage its necessary
to check the alignment of the spine to make sure its in its correct position as
it can become distorted through bad postural habits such as slouching, as this
can cause back pain, etc. Well, in a teaching capacity while the students are
learning to spot this we use a ‘Plumb bob’. Now a Plumb bob is a heavy, often
conical weight attached to a long cord used by decorators and builders to
determine a true straight line, well Annie found a new use for hers. She
carried it around with her always and could be seen asking ‘Yes and No ‘
questions regularly, this was one skill she was adept at using well.
She
told me, “You will still be chatting to John a year from now, trust me.” She
also added, “You will get through tomorrow, I will be there to help you, all
will be fine.” She had that magical gift of reassurance a fantastic quality to
have in a therapist.
I
returned to my Mac and I left an offline message to John telling him I had
fallen in love with him. I then logged off, went to bed, and cried myself to
sleep. John had really got to me, he was in my heart and entwined in my soul. I
could not bear this pain. The rational part of me tried to talk sense.
“Stop
being silly Maryann, you’ve only known this guy three weeks, he could be
anybody”
My
heart was telling me something else. As a Medium, my intuition is very strong,
it needs to be so that we can pick up the sensitive vibrations from spirit and
be able to pass on messages to loved ones they have left behind on earth. I
could not walk away from this guy; it was totally irrational and crazy I tried
to talk myself out of this so called online relationship but I was failing and
it wasn't working. I had to hear from him again, there was a deep pulling
towards him that I couldn't ignore.
When
I arrived at college next day Annie was waiting for me and kept reassuring me.
She praised me for getting through the day although I wanted so much to
dissolve in tears. I was so glad to get home that evening and tried to
concentrate on work and prep for my Tuesday Aromatherapy class. It was
important to me that this class went well as this was a new subject and course
I had developed. I had written all the course notes and had worked damn hard on
this. My mind kept drifting to John I wondered what he was doing, would he
message me. I switched on my Mac and logged on to messenger. Nothing, no
off-lines, no emails from John. Annie was online and we chatted again she
reassured me.
“Wait
and see, he will get in touch,” she said confidently.
I
went to bed so sad.
Next
morning being Tuesday was a busy day for me. I was glad in a way as I could
immerse myself into my favorite subject, well I tried to, and John crept into
my mind at every opportunity. I taught psychic development that evening too and
Annie kept up the reassurance all would be fine. In fact that day in
Aromatherapy, we were studying a new batch of oils and I introduced Clary Sage.
I warned the students it was a very potent essential oil and making sure no one
had any contra indications to using it, the students used it in their blends. I
couldn't help but laugh at the effect it had on Annie. I thought I might have
known it would have this effect on her!
“Annie!”
I exclaimed, “What are you doing?”
Annie
was sitting sniffing the bottle of Clary Sage.
“Miss
this is divine, I just love this!” she replied.
Now
Clary Sage is not unpleasant but I personally wouldn't classify it as divine.
Many Aromatherapists will tell you clients are drawn to those essential oils
they need, this is because your psyche knows intuitively what essential oils
will bring balance back to the body as the oils have a direct effect on the
Hypothalamus. This is the area of our brains that govern our moods and emotions
and this part of the brain maintains homeostasis in the body regulating our
hormones.
I
guess Annie must have needed this essential oil big style. Now if you have ever
seen a cat with a toy mouse stuffed with catnip, well Annie was giving a good
impression of this!
“Annie,
I think you have had more than enough of Clary Sage,” I told her removing and
wrestling the bottle from her grasp, trying my best not to laugh.
Annie
was totally high and after the effects of this wore off, she had to lie on one
of the massage couches to sleep it off the rest of the afternoon, much to the
amusement of her classmates as she quietly snored in the corner.
Now
Clary Sage does induce a state of euphoria, which is why you must not drink
after using this oil as it potentiates the effects. Annie however did not
drink, it just had this extreme effect on her and I had to make sure the Clary
Sage was kept under lock and key when she was in the vicinity.
On
my way to the Development class that evening I planned what I would do with the
students, they were an eager bunch to learn more and I thought I would push
Annie straight into the deep end, I would encourage her to link directly with
Spirit and give her first direct message. It was not unusual for me to pick up
spirit for when you think about it the Psychic college was like Piccadilly
Circus, there was always someone’s loved one or a guide around, but the spirit
I was picking up was that of a young child. I could clearly see him in my
mind’s eye, he had fairish curls and big brown eyes, and he was the spirit of a
two year old boy. This little spirit seemed sad and upset and was clinging to
me. I tried my best to communicate with this little boy, he was obviously
trying to tell me something but I couldn’t work it out.
Annie
arrived as I was preparing the room for the night’s class.
“Hello
Annie, glad you could make it, you’re early,” I greeted Annie with a smile.
“Oh
no way would I miss this, I enjoyed last week so much Miss,” Annie answered.
“Miss there is a sad energy in here tonight, I think it’s a little boy.”
“I
believe it is Annie but I can’t make out what he’s trying to tell me,” I said.
“Awww
Miss I think he is connected to John,” Annie said.
“Oh
my God Annie!” I explained, “He’s the little boy, the miscarriage Annie.”
“He’s
sad because John is sad,” Annie said softly, “And that’s why he is here, to
tell you his father John is sad.”
That
made me feel sad too, even sadder than I was already and now I knew John was
sad.
“What
can I do Annie? I miss John but he won’t message me or email.”
I
could feel the little spirit child hug me and I sent him love and promised him
I would try my best to try to make his daddy happy again.
“Don’t
worry Miss, John will contact you,” Annie stated confidently.
“OK
Class tonight we are going to do some Platform work,” I announced.
Platform
work is where the Medium stands on the Platform, which is a small stage and
relays messages from spirit to give evidence of survival i.e. passed
information to the audience from spirit that is only something they would know,
thus proving spirit and the afterlife exists.
My
students had given some messages before and they knew I would help them through
it and they also knew something else.
“And
you know you can’t cheat either,” I stated. “I tune into Spirit when you do,” I
also added smiling.
They
collectively answered, smiling, “We know you do and that we can’t fool you!”
*
* * * * * *
I
was already tuning in and was well aware of the spirit of my grandmother. My
grandmother was one of my main guides. Just as we need Mediums on the earth
side, we also need spirits in the spirit realms who can go between just like
Mediums do on earth. My grandmother was perfect for this role as she had been a
platform Medium herself in the Spiritualist Church. She would tell me as a
young girl about many of her experiences and one I remember very well, about
the day one of my older cousins was born.
One
of my aunts and her husband stayed with my grandmother and my aunt was
expecting her first child. It had been a difficult labor and it was obvious
when the baby girl was born something was seriously wrong with the baby. She
was floppy and unresponsive and the doctor attending the home birth had told my
grandmother he did not expect the baby to survive the night. My grandmother
took the baby into her room and placed her in a crib and made her comfortable and
everyone expected the baby would not survive. My grandmother woke during the
early hours of the morning and looked over at the baby in her crib, she was
astounded to see the tiny baby surrounded by angels from tiny cherubs to larger
angels all looking down upon my tiny cousin. My grandmother was transfixed by
this scene and watched for some time and fell into a deep sleep. She was woken
a few hours later by a baby crying lustily and obviously a very hungry tiny
baby at that. My grandmother overjoyed took the baby through to her mother
crying with joy and called the doctor. The baby was found to be perfectly
normal and alert, a completely different little soul as to how she had been the
day before.
That
story still gives me goosebumps every time I recall it and one of many
spiritual experiences and stories from my grandmother and my early years.
My
grandmother sadly passed over when I was ten years old and when she did I felt
part of my soul went too. The night she passed was so traumatic; I always went
to her room each evening to kiss her good night. For the first time ever she
shooed me away, she shouted at me,
“Go
away, I don’t want to see you tonight!”
I
was upset, hurt I went to bed, something was not right, I loved my grandmother
and I knew she loved me. Not once had she raised her voice to me, she was the
only one who really had the time for me. Looking back I guess we had a lot in
common and throughout my childhood my mother would often say,
“You
are so like my mother!”
Especially
if I was not doing what she expected of me.
I
was awoken by my father. “Your Gran has died lass,” he stated.
I
looked at him in disbelief “When Daddy?” I asked.
“About
an hour or so ago, we reckon,” he answered. “Your Mum went in to say good night
and found her, she had been sick, the doctor is here just now, stay in your
room just now lass,” he added.
I
could hear muffled voices through the wall, my Mum was sobbing and I could hear
the voice of my Grandmother’s doctor he was talking quietly to my Dad. I heard
my Dad explain to my Mum that my Grandmother had had a heart attack. Although
she was 84, my Grandmother was so spritely I thought she would live forever.
Later on I was to discover she indeed did. I understood too why she had shooed
me away that evening too, she knew her death was imminent and wanted to spare
me witnessing it.
It
was such a surreal night, I had the most awful bereft feeling in the pit of my
stomach, I felt churned up and sick, I felt so ill, I thought I was going to
die too. I can still remember the smells of the undertaker and the embalming
fluid as he worked on my grandmother; she was dressed in a shroud and laid out
on her bed. A steady stream of aunts, my mother’s sisters, came and went, as
did friends of my grandmother. Upset was replaced by fear. I was overcome by
strange feelings I could not explain, much more powerful than I had experienced
when I was younger.
I
had felt so different as a child I played with children no one else could see,
I couldn’t always see them, but I knew they were there. They played along with
me and it was fun. I recall my Mum used to shake her head, as I would talk
about them. I felt deep inside what she was thinking that I was not like my
brother, nor did I appear to be like other children. I didn’t know at the time
these were Spirit Children, that hadn’t been explained to me. I was constantly
told by my Mum it was my imagination and I seemed to have more of an
imagination than others, it was constantly dismissed and not to be talked
about.
I
didn’t like these feelings, I had these constant sensations like tingling and
buzzing in my ears like someone was watching me that whoever it was, was
standing behind me. It was a cold feeling I couldn’t understand it and it made
me feel afraid.
My
grandmother passed over on the 10th December 1967 and it was to be a very sad
Christmas. I was heartbroken and missing my grandmother so much, I had no one
to tell how I felt, who could I tell? I felt a strong presence, watching me.
That presence was my beloved grandmother.
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